While Sitting in a tavern drinking beer with all my friends
Listenin’ to the troubles in their lives
All their bitchin’, belly achin’ as to how they’d been forsaken
By their bosses and their children and their wives
And all of their complainin’ just got to be so drainin’
I couldn’t even finish up my brew
So I made a vow right then and there and what it took I didn’t care
I knew exactly what I’s gonna do

I said Someday I’ll be happy
Someday I’ll be rich
Someday I’ll have a lucrative career
Someday I’ll cruise down Main Street in a big ‘ol Cadillac
While all of you are cryin’ in your beer
Someday I’ll eat filet mignon while you’re all eatin’ crow
Someday I’ll get to tell you what to do
Someday I’ll be better than you

So I pissed away my 20’s kissin’ ass and droppin’ names
Steppin’ on and stabbin’ backs along the way
In suit and tie, I scrutinized, assessed the threats and screwed the guys
Who threw the dice, but couldn’t play the game
But when I finally won the race and got the private parking space
The office in the corner with the great big wooden desk
The friendless emptiness and executive stress
Was yankin’ on that tie around my neck

And I said Someday I’ll be Happy
Someday I’ll find peace
Someday I’ll reach enlightenment
And leave you in the grease
Someday I’ll be wide awake
While you’re all fast asleep
Someday I’ll be a lion
Living among sheep
Someday I learn the secret
And I ain’t gonna tell you shit
Someday I’m gonna find the truth
Yeah, someday I’ll be better than you

And so I maxed out all my credit cards on Tony Robbins seminars
I went to every workshop I could find
Learned NLP and EFT and every kind of therapy
Meditated til I made my third eye blind
But when I found my time line where I met my inner child
I was stunned when he looked at me and spoke
He said “What the hell is wrong with you?
That guru’s hippie voodoo he do
Only sure to help you wind up broke!”

So I said someday I’ll be happy
Someday I’ll find God
And when I do, the rest of you can suck my holy rod
Someday I’ll be a righteous, sanctimonious, sonofabitch
Someday I’ll see the way, the light
And leave you in the pitch
Someday I’ll be a bible thumping, Jesus Humpin’ speakin’ toungues
Yeah someday I’m gonna walk with you know who
Someday I’ll be better than you

And now I’m old and all alone
With cataracts and aching bones
Praying to be taken to the other side
Alone in all my misery, nobody here to sit with me
And every night, I can’t help but wonder why
And I get this funny feeling, while I’m starin’ at the ceiling
That perhaps I didn’t live my life so well
But I’ll be ok, on judgement day, when Jesus come take me away
And all of you are burnin’ in hell

That’s right, someday I’ll be happy
Someday I’ll be dead
I’ll rise on up to heaven on the day I shit the bed
And I’ll no longer be alone, I’ll sit beside the fathers thone
And all of my transgressions will pass to you instead
And from my mansion in the clouds me and Jesus will be lookin down
Laughin’, laughin’ at all of you!
Yeah Someday I’ll be Better Than You
Someday I’ll be Better Than You
Someday I’ll be Better Than You